The Dreaded Question
With Thanksgiving approaching, our thoughts turn to showing appreciation for the many things in our life that we are grateful for such as family, friends, jobs, health, safety.These are among many of the blessings we focus on at the holidays. In this month’s blog an AMOM member reflects on her family and shares her story of thankfulness.
This November will mark my three year anniversary as a member of this great organization Arlington Mothers of Multiples. In November 2013, I decided to take a big leap and put myself out there for a group of women that I did not know and it scared me. I was looking for others that shared my way of life and understood the craziness of living a life with multiples. You might wonder why this was a leap but it required me to face the dreaded question “how many multiples do you have?” by women that I didn’t know wanting to know my story.
I mustered courage and went to the meeting. I had managed to avoid the question while everyone arrived but then my worst fear happened, the AMOM President decided to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, tell about our kids and what we were thankful for.
At that moment I took a deep breath and exposed my deepest self to a group of strangers. I couldn’t be happier that I took that leap. I was faced with compassion, understanding, and love from everyone. Three years later I have formed many friendships and am grateful for all of my AMOM family.
I am a mom of five beautiful children, known as the A Family! Abigail is my eldest who is almost 15 and is experiencing her freshman year in high school which means new experiences and responsibilities for me as a mother. Ten years after she was born my husband and I found out we were blessed with twins…wait 2 weeks later they said the words “more babies”….triplets!!! We had tried for a while for our children and were beyond shocked but so thrilled. I am a woman that loves to be pregnant and enjoyed the entire experience. Of course we had weekly doctor’s appointments and sonograms as well as them testing for every possible thing and took sonograms weekly but I formed an amazing bond with my children while they were “cooking.” I amazed the specialists by always knowing which baby was where in my tummy, I knew what each one liked and didn’t like and their names were even given based on their personalities before they were born.
At 13 weeks I saw a specialist that announced “my 3 sons” were on the way followed by “I am never wrong.” We really wanted another daughter and couldn’t believe it was all boys. As a mom, I knew he was wrong. The following week he announced it was identical boys and a little girl! He never said those words “I was wrong” but I knew. Immediately we started discussing names.
We had our leader Aaliyah meaning “ascender / highly exalter” because we knew she was going to be the boss of her brothers even though they gave her the least amount of room and pushed her around in my tummy. Aiden meaning “fiery” was my very feisty boy that took up the most room in my tummy and loved to “dance” when I watched American Idol while I was pregnant.
Then there was Adley meaning “judicious” who was always quiet and calm and stayed nestled in between his brother and sister.
Throughout my pregnancy they gave the babies extra supplements to make sure they developed properly and we visited the hospital to see their capabilities to handle what would more than likely be three residents of their NICU as we were overseas at the time. They also made sure that we were aware of every imaginable risk and issue that could occur…all but the one that actually affected us.
At 30 weeks and 2 days (June 5, 2012) my Adley broke his water and pushed me into labor. Once I freaked out the hospital staff conveying to them that “this was my second pregnancy but it was three babies” they went into high gear because they had been expecting me for weeks. After a C-section that was an experience all its own that I had tried to talk my doctor out of for months we welcomed 3 perfect, beautiful babies which sadly to me were whisked away to the NICU, after barely a glance. ven though all were fine and breathing on their own, for their safety since they were 3 lbs 5 oz and less they would need to be in the NICU.
After about seven hours the nurses realized that I was 100% serious that if they did not get me to my children I would crawl there…needless to say a wheelchair was brought. For the first time I saw my new babies, it was love at first sight but it was hard to imagine not being able to hold them and cuddle but they were in incubators. This began our life for the next week until we were faced with the unimaginable. Our eldest triplet, our beautiful daughter Aaliyah had gotten an intestinal infection and they didn’t know what to do. After two days and much agony she had surgery and the surgeon gave her no chance of making it through the operation. She proved him wrong! She was our leader and strong she made it almost three months. She changed all of our lives and lives on with our entire family.
This is where I faced my fear that November day when I walked into my first meeting and was faced with “how many multiples do you have?” “I had triplets was my response.” I will never not be a mom of triplets although only my identical boys are with me physically I will not ignore the existence of my youngest daughter. What did I find that day? A group of strong, caring women that supported me and understood what I had been through. Amazing because that is what I was looking for and never thought it could be a reality.
Three months after walking into my first meeting, I found out that we were blessed and my husband and I were expecting baby #5. Ayaan, meaning miracle, fought his way into this world from the very beginning being only a 2.5% chance of me ever being able to get pregnant again. September 17, 2014 he entered the world with a rocky start for him and I when my placenta ruptured and there were complications. He was and is our miracle and was perfect and continues to amaze us as we just celebrated his second birthday.
Throughout my pregnancy my AMOM family was supportive and caring. It is a joy to participate in playdates, mom and family events and I look forward to further developing my bond with members and having my children grow up around other children that face many of the same situations as themselves. I am so glad I overcame my fear and faced that one dreaded question.